Birthday Drama Epilogue????

R has been carefully studying the books Elmo's Birthday and the Berenstain Bears and Too Much Birthday. After careful consideration, and with no prodding from us, she has determined that she will have kids at her birthday party when she is, "a little bit older," like, "when me turn 4!" So we are off the hook for one more year. Phew!

Today we did go out and buy party supplies. Her birthday isn't for another week, but we have guests coming in next weekend so I thought we'd shop while we could. You know those themed birthday party supplies? Matching cups, plates, banners, streamers, balloons, etc.? R would have none of that. While we are not having a green birthday and avoiding paper products (I chose to pick my battles!), R did pick out only what she liked. So there are Hello Kitty plates, Disney Princess cups, and we almost got Elmo party hats. Her individualism makes me smile!

Worst Mommy EVER

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. One of my weaknesses is I completely suck at making friends. I really do. Others meet new people and make plans and hang out together. That somehow never happens for me.

But this isn't a pity party. I really am okay with it, because when I meet someone I click with, we REALLY click. Over the years I've collected a small group of really close friends, and while I may have longed for a gaggle of girlfriends in junior high, I like this arrangement. So much less drama this way.

So it's no real surprise that when we moved to Wilmington I didn't instantly make friends. It didn't help that between work and taking care of R and growing two more babies I didn't have the energy to really get out to meet people. And with the cost of moving here and saving up to buy a house and paying for those two babies I was growing, we didn't really have money for me to get out and do much either.

But in the age of internet and free long distance calls on cell phones, it didn't seem to matter. I still emailed or chatted with my two best friends daily. I didn't think this little quirk about me had any impact on anyone else. Until recently.

Due to my lack of friends, since we moved here, R hasn't been on a single play date. I've always felt bad about that (although obviously not bad enough to really do anything about it thinking it would eventually take care of itself). At her birthday party last year, she was the only kid. No silly hats, no goofy games. Just a bunch of grown ups. As horrible as I felt, I rationalized that she was only turning two. I knew for sure things would be different by this year, but, with her third birthday looming, they are the same. (I do actually have a friend in Wilmington now, but her little one is only two months old and a bit of a lump. I suppose we could play pin-the-tail on the baby, but that's about it for party games.)

Lately, R has been very stressed out and a bit melancholy. I think she is pretty anxious about starting school and having to use the potty there and making friends. She was particularly sad the other night, so I asked her what was wrong. It never occurred to me that her third birthday was contributing to the stress. Our conversation:

Me: What's wrong?

She curled away from me and hid her head, so I asked again. She finally mumbled a response.

R: Need another gehhhl.
Me: You need another girl?
R: Yeah.
Me: What for?
R: For me birthday. (Despite the sadness, I laugh inside at her pirate-speak every time. It's actually the result of too much Dora the Explorer and confusing "mi" in Spanish for "my" in English.)

I had to think about this one. I finally figured it out.

Me: What? Do you need another girl for your birthday party?
R: (hopeful) Yeah!
Me: (feeling like I've just been kicked) I'm sorry, sweetie. We don't know any girls to come to your birthday party...but you'll go to school soon and you can meet some other kids there.

I can't remember exactly what she said, but I remember she was very excited about taking her lunchbox to school. That's when I had to break the news that she wouldn't be eating lunch at preschool; she would have to come home for lunch. That didn't go over too well. So I changed the subject back to (gulp) her birthday.

I mentioned that everyone in her family would be here for her birthday and even her grandparents would be here. That's when she asked (hopeful again) if the sons of my two best friends, who each live hundreds of miles away, would be there. I sighed and told her no.

Worst mommy EVER.

Muppet Madness

Haneen and Karim are two of the Muppet stars in "Shara'a Simsim," the Palestinian version of "Sesame Street."

Hurray for Muppets!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/08/13/generation.islam.gaza.muppets/index.html

Aha!

When it comes to sleeping, we've been having to look at L's relative success. We've been focusing on little milestones to keep from bashing our heads in. On Sunday night he actually asked to go to sleep. I was holding him and he started arching his back. I laid him down, expecting disaster. But instead, he went right to sleep.

On Monday night he did not go to sleep so easily, but he did sleep in his own bed for a two hour stretch and for a three hour stretch. This might be the most sleep he's ever had outside of a baby swing.

Then on Tuesday I decided to check askdrsears.com one more time for sleep articles. As it turns out, I realized I hadn't read the one entitled 5 Reasons Why High-Need Infants Sleep Differently. As I read it, everything seemed very familiar. So I decided to do a little more research on high needs babies.

You know how Oprah discusses Aha! moments? This was mine. It was seriously like a light bulb had been turned on. L is not a bad baby. We are not bad parents. L is just a high needs baby!

The whole term "high needs baby" doesn't imply that there is anything wrong with him, it's just a group of personality traits. High needs babies cannot self soothe. Just can't. So you can't leave them to cry because they will not stop crying. They have a hard time going to sleep and a hard time staying asleep. They are easily stimulated. (Really easily stimulated based on our experience!) They eat frequently. Really frequently. They want to be held ALL THE TIME. Unless they are having a mood swing in which they decided they want to be DOWN - NOW. And they can turn at the drop of the hat.

But, and this is huge, IF you meet their needs, they grow out of this. They are only asking for what they need at the time. There is hope for the future.

So, armed with this knowledge, we have approached the last two nights differently. If L asks for his swing, he gets his swing. He may be eight months old, but he is still well within the weight limit for it. And in his swing, he has slept. Tuesday night he only got up twice. Last night he didn't do as well, but M woke him up one time (remember, easily stimulated!) and Max may have woken him up another. But I think the biggest changes is our attitude. Suddenly it doesn't seem so bad. We are not the first parents to have a child that needs to be held. Nor are we the first that has a child that cannot be left with a sitter. And we realize that this too shall pass!

Now Accepting Reservations...

Although we got off to a late start, our bed and breakfast has officially opened for the season. Last weekend we welcomed our first guests, our friends Liz and Andy. They drove up from Atlanta with their boys who are two-years and eight weeks. Yup, they traveled with an eight-week-old baby. As my boss said, "They're as crazy as you! Traveling with ones that little..." and then she shook her head. Perhaps that's why we've been friends so long - mutual insanity!

To an outside observer, the weekend was probably utter chaos given that the petite princess was the oldest of the five children in the house. But honestly, it was the best weekend Jeff and I have had in a long time. Definitely the best weekend since the boys have been born. (We've had good moments, but never a good weekend.) We mostly just kicked back and had a great time.

On Saturday at R's request (i.e. demand), we put the kiddie pool in the backyard. She and their oldest had a great time that morning splashing and running around. It turns out that he likes pouring water from one container to another as much as she does, so they were content for quite a long time with just some old yogurt containers, measuring cups, and random plastic containers from the hospital. After his morning nap, M wanted in on the fun, so he and I even joined them in our massive, 4' diameter pool for awhile. I haven't seen the pictures yet (I'm kinda scared) but I'm sure we looked pretty hilarious all scrunched into that little pool.

The kids actually all took afternoon naps, and even I was even able to sleep awhile. It was heavenly. We were able to make fajitas for dinner before we started the group's bedtime madness. It's all hazy now, but I think we were even able to enjoy some grown up time with just their itty-bitty before passing out for the night.

On Sunday, we had a Big Adventure. We took everyone to the beach. All of us. Although we lacked baby beach supplies, they came armed with a giant beach tent that provided shelter on three sides, and we were able to pop all three babies in there. They all played in there, mostly happily, the whole time we there. Jeff and I were as delighted as our boys to discover that they sit really well in the sand, so we kinda scooped out spots for them. L especially sat and played almost the whole time.

Meanwhile the big ones were in the water. They couldn't get enough. At one point, Jeff was off swimming, and we had all the kids up near the tent. I was busy with a baby and realized I hadn't heard from R in awhile. That's when I looked up and saw her - she was a good 50 yards away and getting dangerously close to the water. Apparently she as going to head right on in by herself. I took off running and reached her just before she got there. She didn't seem phased...perhaps she has become a bit too independent!

With all the adults in the house, we were actually able to cook again on Sunday night (real food two days in a row!) and had a fabulous lasagna dinner. For the night, R was no longer eating any of the components of the meal, but these things happen. The rest of it enjoyed it.

After dinner, we watched the movie Cars, which is their little boy's favorite movie of all time. R had never seen it, and in typical fashion, she asked a million questions. At one point, Andy gave up and just began narrating the movie. This was good. Unfortunately, by this time I was exhausted (I had only slept 3-4 hours Saturday night) and not a lot of fun, but as Jeff said, "I'm so used to it, I didn't notice anything was different."

The biggest reason for my grumpy mama bear behavior is that L has not been sleeping. At all. He has been getting up to check on things a lot, sometimes once an hour. So we decided this had to end. We flirted with the cry-it-out method, but I just couldn't get into it. It just feels so wrong. And it didn't seem to work with him. Where we used it (reluctantly on my part) with his two siblings, and they did fine, L prefers to scream until he vomits. No kidding. So our newest strategy is from a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution. No word yet on its effectiveness, but at least we are trying.

And we need our sleep. Not only to function, but so we can actually enjoy all the guests at our crazy little hotel this fall. In the next two months, we will be visited by my parents, Jeff's parents, and Alex and Reiko. Crazy times!

Independence Day

At times I am completely amazed at the independence of our kids. The other night I was attempting to get the kids in the bathtub. All three had been corralled in the bathroom but were still clothed when I got distracted and went to talk to Jeff. I came back to find that R had undressed, used her little potty, taken the top of the potty off, and emptied the bowl into the toilet (without spilling!). When I walked in she was standing naked at the sink trying to figure out how to reach the water so that she could rinse out the bowl.

I was so impressed by this that I again left to tell Jeff who was just outside the bathroom door. When I came back I found that the boys had spied the pile of toys on the floor and had each maneuvered to get a toy and were happily munching on their respective ones.

When it comes to the boys, M is generally more independent. The most amusing is when he feeds himself. We lay him on a blanket on the floor to eat, and if he is hungry enough, he will hold his own bottle. When he is done, he throws the bottle to the side, rolls over on his tummy, and burps himself before scooting off to play.

L is not nearly as independent, but that doesn't mean he doesn't try to do things for himself. When he decides he wants to eat, he wants to eat NOW. I am used to this by now, and I know all his crazy tactics for attempting to nurse, but the first time caught me totally off guard. He was a little over five months old, and we had just moved into our new house. It was bedtime, but instead of nursing him to sleep, I was foolishly talking to my dad who was helping with the move. Rather than getting frustrated, L, who was in my arms, leaned over, lifted up my shirt, and attempted to latch on by himself. He knew what to do. He had been learning about this all his life!

At Last

On July 17th, we marked five years of wedded bliss. Note that I said "marked" and not "celebrated." We did try to celebrate, it just didn't quite happen.

Long before our anniversary, we knew we couldn't leave the kids with a babysitter at night. There are nights when the two of us can barely keep up with all three. Often, we could really use a third person to help since, as Jeff puts it, they need man-to-man coverage, and not zone defense. Knowing that, we decided we would get a babysitter and head to the beach for the afternoon. If we got crazy, we might get some food too while we were gone.

That was the plan, at least until our last outing without the crew. We had R with us and we had two sitters for the two boys. It seemed like a good plan. They lasted 15 minutes before calling us back. L was screaming. Reaaalllly screaming. He stopped as soon as I picked him up. Ugh.

So, based on that experience, we scrapped the beach plan and decided to just go out to eat with the kids. The kids actually tend to be okay when we go out to eat, so this plan wasn't quite as horrible as it sounds. (It's just the separations from us that cause the breakdowns, and at a meal we are all sitting at a table facing each other. ) Knowing how scheduled M is at night, we thought we would even further increase our odds of a good outing by going out to lunch rather than dinner.

On our anniversary we managed to get ourselves and all three kids ready and out the door by lunchtime. Aside from me not having the time to wash my hair, we looked pretty nice. (And who is looking at my hair when we are out with our whole crew???) And no one was screaming. Got in the car. Headed to lunch. Got to the first restaurant, got everyone out, and realized that they no longer serve lunch. Got everyone back in the car. Tried to quickly regroup. As we were listing possibilities, R threw in "Olive Garden" between every suggestion that Jeff and I made. So we decided Olive Garden it would be. When we arrived at Olive Garden, there were no parking spaces. We didn't even bother stopping. So we moved on to Plan C which involved heading to the grocery store to pick up things for a fried chicken feast. We all went in, which meant R had time to eat all the samples, and she was quite happy. Actually, everyone was doing quite well, so at least we were enjoying the time together.

We had a fairly nice lunch at home, but we hated to call grocery store fried chicken our anniversary celebration. We tossed around the idea of going out to dinner, but at dinner time we were still stuffed and the weekend meltdowns were beginning. (There is a certain part of every weekend in which all three kids dissolve into hysterical, crying, screaming messes. This will be explored further in another blog...)

Due to the meltdowns, I've blocked out the rest of the day, but I'm pretty sure it was non-eventful and possible quite painful.

On Saturday, Jeff decided to try again. He got up early and headed to the grocery store. He got stuff to make an Italian feast for dinner. He also picked up champagne and our favorite chocolate cake to enjoy after all the kids were in bed. This sounded great.

He made dinner, and it was delicious. R, who is afraid of everything since vacation, refused to eat the marinated chicken. M fussed much because he was off schedule and had refused to take a second nap. But we survived. M went to bed at 6:30 and R was tucked in by 8:30. But then there was L. He did not want to sleep. I can't remember if he was happy or sad about it. Either way, by the time we finally got him to bed, we were way too tired to do anything other than gorge on chocolate cake and pass out. We decided to save the champagne for an occasion when we were awake.

So fast forwarding to the weekend that just ended, Friday was another awful night. Saturday morning was more of the same. By Saturday afternoon, Jeff and I were done. But apparently so were the kids, because they all went to bed without too much fussing on Saturday night. We even had L tucked in by 9:00. And then, miraculously, we had the house to ourselves. Even the dogs seemed to be on their best behavior. We got to kick back and watch a DVD and finally drink our champagne. It was an anniversary celebration with two dogs and three kids under three. It was heaven.