Aha!

When it comes to sleeping, we've been having to look at L's relative success. We've been focusing on little milestones to keep from bashing our heads in. On Sunday night he actually asked to go to sleep. I was holding him and he started arching his back. I laid him down, expecting disaster. But instead, he went right to sleep.

On Monday night he did not go to sleep so easily, but he did sleep in his own bed for a two hour stretch and for a three hour stretch. This might be the most sleep he's ever had outside of a baby swing.

Then on Tuesday I decided to check askdrsears.com one more time for sleep articles. As it turns out, I realized I hadn't read the one entitled 5 Reasons Why High-Need Infants Sleep Differently. As I read it, everything seemed very familiar. So I decided to do a little more research on high needs babies.

You know how Oprah discusses Aha! moments? This was mine. It was seriously like a light bulb had been turned on. L is not a bad baby. We are not bad parents. L is just a high needs baby!

The whole term "high needs baby" doesn't imply that there is anything wrong with him, it's just a group of personality traits. High needs babies cannot self soothe. Just can't. So you can't leave them to cry because they will not stop crying. They have a hard time going to sleep and a hard time staying asleep. They are easily stimulated. (Really easily stimulated based on our experience!) They eat frequently. Really frequently. They want to be held ALL THE TIME. Unless they are having a mood swing in which they decided they want to be DOWN - NOW. And they can turn at the drop of the hat.

But, and this is huge, IF you meet their needs, they grow out of this. They are only asking for what they need at the time. There is hope for the future.

So, armed with this knowledge, we have approached the last two nights differently. If L asks for his swing, he gets his swing. He may be eight months old, but he is still well within the weight limit for it. And in his swing, he has slept. Tuesday night he only got up twice. Last night he didn't do as well, but M woke him up one time (remember, easily stimulated!) and Max may have woken him up another. But I think the biggest changes is our attitude. Suddenly it doesn't seem so bad. We are not the first parents to have a child that needs to be held. Nor are we the first that has a child that cannot be left with a sitter. And we realize that this too shall pass!