Worst Mommy EVER

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. One of my weaknesses is I completely suck at making friends. I really do. Others meet new people and make plans and hang out together. That somehow never happens for me.

But this isn't a pity party. I really am okay with it, because when I meet someone I click with, we REALLY click. Over the years I've collected a small group of really close friends, and while I may have longed for a gaggle of girlfriends in junior high, I like this arrangement. So much less drama this way.

So it's no real surprise that when we moved to Wilmington I didn't instantly make friends. It didn't help that between work and taking care of R and growing two more babies I didn't have the energy to really get out to meet people. And with the cost of moving here and saving up to buy a house and paying for those two babies I was growing, we didn't really have money for me to get out and do much either.

But in the age of internet and free long distance calls on cell phones, it didn't seem to matter. I still emailed or chatted with my two best friends daily. I didn't think this little quirk about me had any impact on anyone else. Until recently.

Due to my lack of friends, since we moved here, R hasn't been on a single play date. I've always felt bad about that (although obviously not bad enough to really do anything about it thinking it would eventually take care of itself). At her birthday party last year, she was the only kid. No silly hats, no goofy games. Just a bunch of grown ups. As horrible as I felt, I rationalized that she was only turning two. I knew for sure things would be different by this year, but, with her third birthday looming, they are the same. (I do actually have a friend in Wilmington now, but her little one is only two months old and a bit of a lump. I suppose we could play pin-the-tail on the baby, but that's about it for party games.)

Lately, R has been very stressed out and a bit melancholy. I think she is pretty anxious about starting school and having to use the potty there and making friends. She was particularly sad the other night, so I asked her what was wrong. It never occurred to me that her third birthday was contributing to the stress. Our conversation:

Me: What's wrong?

She curled away from me and hid her head, so I asked again. She finally mumbled a response.

R: Need another gehhhl.
Me: You need another girl?
R: Yeah.
Me: What for?
R: For me birthday. (Despite the sadness, I laugh inside at her pirate-speak every time. It's actually the result of too much Dora the Explorer and confusing "mi" in Spanish for "my" in English.)

I had to think about this one. I finally figured it out.

Me: What? Do you need another girl for your birthday party?
R: (hopeful) Yeah!
Me: (feeling like I've just been kicked) I'm sorry, sweetie. We don't know any girls to come to your birthday party...but you'll go to school soon and you can meet some other kids there.

I can't remember exactly what she said, but I remember she was very excited about taking her lunchbox to school. That's when I had to break the news that she wouldn't be eating lunch at preschool; she would have to come home for lunch. That didn't go over too well. So I changed the subject back to (gulp) her birthday.

I mentioned that everyone in her family would be here for her birthday and even her grandparents would be here. That's when she asked (hopeful again) if the sons of my two best friends, who each live hundreds of miles away, would be there. I sighed and told her no.

Worst mommy EVER.