Proud Parent

Overall, I consider myself a fairly laid back parent. I am rather relaxed and understand that kids will do things like sitting and walking when they want to, so it is nothing to worry about. Even when R was little, I don't think I freaked out as much as a typical parent. Others pointed this out to me as well, so it must be true...really! Every now and then though, I really doubt myself and start to feel like a complete and utter failure. There were moments of "I'm a horrible mom" thoughts when R was a baby, but for the most part I trusted my instincts. Then the boys were born. The first thing we were told by the neonatologists (those would be NICU docs) is that everything we know about babies is wrong because we now have preemies and they are "sick." That is so not what you want to hear when you are all hormonal and have two newborns, but we muddled through that phase and survived. By the time the boys were about three months old, I was back to trusting my instincts and asking for help and advice when I needed it.

Then yesterday I had lunch with a colleague. Her little one was born December 14th, so he and the boys are practically the same age, especially when adjusted for L and M's prematurity. I don't know this woman well, but we met at a training session, and we had both been excited to find another transplanted family with little ones. I met her at the restaurant, and I should've known better than to get sucked in when she started our conversation with, "I'm having the hardest time getting Stevie* to eat finger foods." But I didn't. I was sucked in to the comparison game, and my mind immediately flashed to the scene the night before.

The boys have not been sleeping lately, which is pretty understandable given the chaos of our lives. But it's a little hard for me to function at work when I'm only getting five hours of sleep at night, with much of it coming in 20-30 minute segments. Out of sheer desperation, I decided on Wednesday night that it was time to start the boys on solid food. M has been acting ready for weeks. He has been studying us while we eat, and he opens and closes his mouth as we chew. He also lunges at our plates and tries to swipe food off them. However, we've been holding out because the best way to protect against allergies is to avoid solids until kids are six months old, and the boys won't officially be six months old developmentally until July 1st. Also, L just hasn't seemed ready, and it's just easier to start them at the same time. But L does put everything in his mouth, and he has two teeth, so I decided to go ahead.

I hadn't actually planned on giving them food, so there was no box of rice cereal or jar of pureed veggies waiting. So I had to get creative and actually make baby food. (Crazy, I know!) One of my hippie mama cookbooks had a recipe for baby oatmeal, so I grabbed some whole oats, ran them through the food processor, and cooked them in the microwave.

As soon as M saw the spoon coming, he opened his mouth. He was ready! He delightedly ate the first bite. So I then went to give L a bite. He just stared at me. When I tried to put the spoon in his mouth he was just confused. I think he was wondering why I was offering anything other than a breast. (Seriously, the kid is a breastfeeding freak. He was sooo happy on vacation when he could nurse on demand for 9 days straight.) So I jiggled the spoon into his mouth thinking he might catch on if he tasted it. Nope. The oatmeal that did go in came right back out. So I gave M another bite. Not quite so enthusiastic this time. Tried L again. Same result as the first time. Offered M a third bite, and he was even less enthusiastic. Offered another bite to L, but I decided to not even bother trying to put it in his mouth since he had a large trail of oatmeal dripping down his chin and onto his shirt. By the 4th spoonful, M was done with oatmeal too. While it wasn't exactly a monumental disaster, the boys' first meal wasn't exactly successful either. So I gave up and decided to just give the boys baths and call it a day. But all I could think about at lunch was the fact that we aren't even close to trying finger foods like Stevie (who eats three full meals a day).

As Super Mommy went on about her little angel, my inferiority complex grew.

As the topic changed to activities, I learned Stevie can sit and play with toys. Stevie loves his jumperoo and his exersaucer. Stevie happily plays by himself. Again, I flashed to my kids and all but winced. M can roll from his front to his back and his back to his front, but he can't balance his big ol' belly to sit unsupported. He will occasionally play by himself while on his tummy, but he generally prefers to be entertained. L will roll from his front to his back, but he hasn't ever even really tried to roll the other way. He is too happy to lay on his back and gnaw on his toes. In fact, the only time he plays by himself is when he is laying on his back, curled up in a ball, eating his toes. Super mom's little one is turning into a little kid. L is turning into a little rat.

Even when it came to teething, she managed to make me feel inferior despite the fact that my kids have teeth (one of M's popped through this morning!) and Stevie doesn't. We were commiserating on how miserable our kids were, and she made it clear that Stevie has been suffering longer and harder. Plus, I learned, Stevie is not stuck with crazy, hippie parents. Stevie gets Orajel, but Super Mom shared that I "should try the natural tablets. I've heard lots of great things about them from people like you." Uh huh. As ludicrous as this seems while I type it, it managed to make me feel like complete poop as I sat there eating my pita. (Which, in case you were wondering, was phenomenal.)

After lunch, I felt so bad and like such a failure that I ended up reading up on developmental milestones for the millionth time last night as well as looking for tips and tricks to help the boys. And you know what I discovered? They are perfectly normal. My boys apparently skipped the whole sitting thing and went straight to scooting. And that is okay. As long as they are learning new things, they are okay. The book said so. Crisis averted.

But while I was running errands at lunch, I still bought a used jumperoo for the boys. Just in case.

*His name has been changed to protect the poor kid's innocence.