Stalked!

Last weekend I watched an old episode of Coupling, the amusing, and much more naughty, British version of Friends. In the episode, ditzy Jane is explaining to her friend Susan that she is being stalked. The following conversation takes place.

Jane: I'm being stalked, actually, so I'm pretty secure in my attractiveness.
Susan: You're being stalked?
Jane: Is that so hard to believe?
Sally: My god!
Jane: Everyday on my way home from work, a man follows me. It's true.
Susan: Well, have you been to the police?
Jane: They said I was being silly and paranoid. I heard them laughing after I left.
Sally: That's terrible!
Susan: Well, have you confronted the man who follows you?
Jane: Well, there's no point, is there? It's never the same man twice. Sometimes they switch over when I'm halfway home. It's so well organized!

Currently, I think I can actually understand how Jane feels. I too feel like I am being stalked by a rotating army of strangers, although I can't say it makes me feel secure in my attractiveness. My belly has become a beacon for attention. I cannot do anything without providing acquaintances and strangers with a full update of its growth. (It's amazing how friends never ask round after round of questions...they know better!)

During the first six months of working at UNCW, I was a social pariah. The new girl. Ewww. Stay away from her. Then I started sporting uber-belly. Suddenly I cannot go to the bathroom without having an extended discussion about due dates, bed rest, and C-sections. And the rounds of questions don't just come from women. Just yesterday I had a nearly 30 minute conversation with a gentleman who works across the hall from me about how his first-born only weighed 2 pounds, 14 ounces (the weight is drilled into my brain) at birth. 30 minutes! I am guessing in the average work week I spend the equivalent of an entire day discussing the current status of my uterus and its quickly growing residents. Thank goodness I work at home one day a week!

Then today, while innocently trying to walk to the library on campus to get a newspaper, a man actually ran up to me to ask about the belly. Yes, he ran. Then proceeded to walk alongside me the rest of the way. It is nuts!

Since I need to purchase some larger shirts anyway, I am thinking very strongly of getting a shirt printed that reads, "I am due December 30th and am having twin boys. We have a two-year-old daughter too, so life and the holidays are about to get interesting. I'm still feeling fine, and every indicator says I will go full-term and not need bed rest. I have not yet scheduled a C-section and don't plan to do so unless absolutely medically necessary. Any other questions????" Yes, I know, I probably should cut to the chase...